Sunday, February 27, 2005

Purple Rain

Message from Lorenzo
Sent 13:35 GMT

Hey Antonio,
Was at a house party last night hosted by a work mate, who was wearing a pair of purple wings (I dont know why), and her friend the loudest red head in the world. She was a bit like ginger spice in the early days before she started with all the yoga. Anyway... Me and Olivia arrived fashionably late but we were still the only ones there and loud red head engaged me in a discussion about how she loved fish and so I talked about how I found them to be suspicious creatures that could not be trusted. It got quite heated.
Soon after we had the arrival of beardy man, white rasta man and Maroon 5 lookey likey man who all wore long black leatherette overcoats with one item of purple that was a condition of entry.
I wore nothing purple.
They brought wine.
I brought Guiness (for the host).
Somehow I felt outclassed. They made themselves at home in the dining room and we claimed one of the sofas in a prime spot for people/freak watching. Their behaviour is not unlike hours although rasta man did groom beardy mans beard in a chimp like manner. Then arrived the hosts long haired boyfriend (with short beard) and a woman in a silly hat. Surpirsing this bunch of strage looking people (by my standards) were good company, could laugh/joke and hold a discussion about a range of issues from the movement of New Labour towards the centre to over supply in th petroleum markets that has led to a recent fall in prices. I felt bad for judging and dismissing them for looking a little different to what I consider normal. But then they all started smoking joints and I now know that I was right to judge them and I should continue to judge people who look like that in the same way.
Lorenzo.

PS. On a very happy note, off to Bognor Regis again on tuesday night for some more crime fighting lessons where I will be joined by Miranda. I am very excited. I have not seen her for four months and that is far too long.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Phuket Beaches

Message from Antonio
Received 03:15 GMT

Hey Fish,
The cold weather is also in stark contrast to the beaches in Thailand. There were golden, sandy and bathed in sunshine but you had to be very careful in the evening as if you were a little drunk you could be swept away by a the local women who, there or four at a time, would take your arm and try to drag you into the bars in which they worked. It's nothing like UK places were the women hand you a flyer or like Ibiza were bikini clad women would tempt you in. You have to fight off the women in Phuket.
As well as this I think some of the places were selling more than just drink.
Lots of love
Antonio: Thai woman magnet

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Days Without Paracetamol

Message from Lorenzo
Sent 20:20 GMT

Hey man,
The contrast from the picture you sent to what I woke up to this morning is staggering. Drew back the curtains to reveal a white blanket coving all before me: bottles of milk, plant pots, paper boys, cars and the guys trying to deliver my Lemon Jelly tickets. I wrapped up and made for my car through bitter gales and blizzards, my navy overcoat quickly covered in a layer of snow drifting on my (halfway up the) hilltop house. Shovel in hand I dug out my crime fighting vehicle, attached my huskies, sat on top and ordered them to pull. Into the blizzard they took me, up into the hills along my normal commute route. The road littered with cars abandoned by the occupants, including non other than casualty's Art Malik, who put trust in their feet and not their wheels.

But up on the empty moors the huskies broke free leaving my car sliding to a halt and I was left alone with no mean of getting out of this rural lancashire prison. I had eaten my emergency Cadbury's Animal Biscuits on the Scotland trip so I sat in the car, hungry, in the cold, waiting, waiting and still waiting for help to arrive. But no one came. Hours passed and day turned into night. I never felt so alone. I dug myself a snow tunnel and climbed inside keeping only my head exposed to that I could see the outside world.
During my time in the snow tunnel I saw point of light on the horizon , it was really going, it was really somethin', it was beautiful, beautiful, just beautiful.
What was it?
Well that is a story for another time.
Lorenzo

Monday, February 21, 2005

The SCC

Message from Antonio
Received 9:42 GMT

Young Fish,
Why are you telling me about to experiences with another man in a public toilet? I really dont need to know.
However, I write to you feeling very pleased with myself. Last night, my football team who are about 5th bottom of the league played against the top of the league side, the SCC on perhaps the nicest pitch in Singapore. I have attached a photo. The SCC team (Singapore Cricket Club, steeped in tradition) had ex-pros and players from the Singapore Football League in their team. We somehow still won 3-1 and it was perhaps the most enjoyable game I've played in.


Posted by Hello
The place is this spectacular. You have to come over here.
Antonio.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Brothers in arms

Message from Lorenzo
Sent 11:42 GMT

Hey Antonio,
I will assume you are fine and you have not responded to me because you are enjoying life in Phuket with the Ginger man. I have had a good working week and it ended last night in a lovely pub. At a point in the night I popped off to the gents and stood at the facilities, where I am at my most vulnerable, and guy sporting a "Porn King: Pimp Daddy" t-shirt came in soon after and stood next to me.
As is it the etiquette, on his arrival I said "Y'all right?" in a lancashire accent. "I'm good fella" he said (a standard response).
We were both there for the same thing (not that thing!) but I cant go with an audiance and it turns out neither could he. So we both stood there holding and waiting. I was high on redbull, a little giddy and I could not go, I really wanted to but I could not. So things began to run through my head.
It began with imagery to get me in the frame of mind: babbling brooks and waterfalls.
That did not work.
I moved onto soothing music: little bit of Ray Charles.
That did not work and now we are both stood next to each other (still holding) but I am thinking of another man.
Should I just zip up and go? I cant as that would mean I acknowledged the guy, pulled it out, held it for a while then then just left. That would be weird.
Then, fueled by the red bull, I begin to giggle, giggle a little more and then just stand there laughing. He tries to look the other way giving me the opportunity I so much needed.
I concentrate, this is my chance and the pressure is on. If I mess up now I could be here for hours.
Finally it happens.
Next time I will use the cubicle.
Lorenzo

Monday, February 14, 2005

King of the Rodeo

Message from Lorenzo
Sent 20:55 GMT

Hi Antonio,
Took a road trip with Solanio up to Scotland. I know it was valentines weekend and I know he has a girlfriend but when he looks at me with those puppy dog eyes I find it hard to say no. Trip up there was fun, over the A-roads we passed a couple of lovers retreats/dogging spots where young start crossed lovers found a moments solitude from the prying eyes of the cities. We drove to Edinburgh and unknown to us there was a Scotland v Ireland rugby match on in the city and when we parked up at the top of the Royal Mile and headed into the so called "Pubic Triangle" full of glitzy bars and seedy lap dancing clubs. A quick call to the Fiesty Scot (living in exile across the Forth of Fife) had directed to some cool places where the beer was flowing and every other woman was wearing a short tartan skirt. Scottish women are fine and even though it was sub-zero they wore very little. Great bars, great women, great company. Great weekend.

Gripes: No spoons in my room, no heating in Solanio's (but that was funny), pillows the size of sanitary towels, map swept away by huge Loch Lomond wave, nearly wrote off my car on a sharp bend, man found with slit wrists in my bath, lots of fights between the Irish and Scots, very tired, forgot my camera, no monster in the loch, pillows the size of sanitary towels, spent valentines weekend with a man.
Lorenzo

Friday, February 11, 2005

The life of a degenerate cupboard

Message from Antonio
Received 05:19 GMT

Hey Lorenzo,
Hope you enjoyed the football. I especially like the chant "Who are ya" though I'm not sure what it means. I can't seem to understand the mentality of people who go to football matches and sing songs. Its a really perculiar occurance that people have just learnt to accept without questioning it. Philosphical methinks.
Cheerio
Antonio

Monday, February 07, 2005

Its coming home

Message from Lorenzo
Sent 19:32 GMT

Hey man,
Still keeping up the hard work in the gym and what is worrying is how much I enjoy it. I caught myself looking in the mirror as I was lifting weights and I know I should have looked away but I did not. I stood there admiring my own bicep imagining how it would look if I flexed in the moonlight. I think my body releases some odd chemicals when I work out. I dont like that but I do enjoy the result. And the flexing.

On the way home I was listening to Radio 5 live and the footie was on. It was Blackburn v Bolton. "ouuuhh" I thought. A fiesty local derby. On the way down the m65 popped down to Ewood Park to get a ticket and got a seat right on the corner flag that was centre of most of the action in the second half. I sat there in my overcoat with chips and a coffee the bolton fans, that were 15 yards from my seat behind a police line, were taunting me. "who are ya" they chanted. "your not singing anymore", "blackburn are shit" etc. All great chants but a little wasted on me. I did not care who was winning - was enjoying the game and my coffee.

Still it was all worthwhile on the way out when a young lad all of 10 or 11 turned to his dad and said "If I see that kid who was looking and chanting at me I am going to kick the shit out of him"
Bless... they get 'em started young in Blackburn
Lorenzo

Friday, February 04, 2005

Mr Brightside

Message from Lorenzo
Sent 10:30 GMT

Hey Antonio,
Things are great with Jessica and I. We are good friends and she makes me laugh. When she walks into a room I look at her and my heart beats a little faster but you should not read too much into that. A couple of days ago Solanio said "I have never heard a passion so confus'd, so strange, outrageous, and so variable"
I still think it is a heart murmur.

Had a stange encounter with a man today (not that kind). I was sat in Starbucks drinking my early morning coffee and it was busy so he came and sat next to be. An old man, thin and frail but with a proud head held high and a glint in his eye. He started to talk to me about a whole range of careers he had, his sporting achievements and a pretty young lady new to his life. It was nice to hear a man of his age being positve about life and not starting a conversation with what medical ailments he had or about the increasing levels of immigration that is changing the country for the worse.
He talked, I listened. It gave me an enormous sense of well being that just by listening to this guy speak I was making him feel a little better. There was a spring in my step today as I walked towards work.
I wonder if my 12:30 interview (also an old man) will go as well?
Lorenzo

Thursday, February 03, 2005

So Here We Are

Message from Antonio
Received 09:08 GMT

Young fish,

Shame about Razorlight, their singer has laryngitis so I believe. I guess you wont be going tonight? Wont be much point. What is happening with you and Jessica at the moment?

Been busy this week and the Ginger Man is here so I haven't been getting much sleep. He arrived Monday evening 7:40pm. 8:30pm we go out. 11:30pm go to the four floors. 1:45am he left with a not so pretty local lass. He hadn't been out on the pull in a while so I think he was desperate. We're off out tonight should be pretty cool, starting off at a bar on the 72nd floor of a sky scraper with full length windows, my favourite bar. Ginger Man seems a bit strange to me (more than usual is what I mean), he seems to have lost a lot of self-confidence and is a lot shyer than usual. Perhaps I should ply him with Red Bull.
Anyway, I am off.

Antonio