Saturday, March 19, 2005

You Cant Touch This

Message from Lorenzo
Sent 09:01 GMT

Hey Antonio,
I think I need to explain the system of touching privileges that people around me have as often women (and men) go too far and express themselves and their affection through unwanted touching.

Level 1: If you are a total stranger then there is no touching. That I am speaking to you does not mean you can touch my arm and certainly not my hand. That is something the pointy chinned Marilyn Monroe lookalikey would do well to learn. This also applies to people I do not like.
Rule: If you dont know my name dont touch.

Level 2: If you know who I am but we have never shared more than three sentences then there is no touching. This covers most people I work with or friend of friends. Women in these circumstances appear to enjoy stroking my arm perhaps mistaking me for a friendly creature in Chester Zoo.
Rule: If you know my name but I dont know yours then no touching.

Level 3: If we get on well and from time to time have gone out either together or in a group then there is limited touching permitted but no more than brief contact with the higher or lower arm area and only in limited circumstances such as laugh out loud moments. Exceptions will (very rarely) be made for very sad times where resting a hand on the shoulder is appropriate. But never my hand. Not at level 3.
Under no circumstances will there by continental style pretend kissing on the cheek when greeting or saying bye bye.
Rule: If we get on well then your can touch within the prescribed parameters.

Level 4: Friends have the privileges contained in level three but are free to chose the moments in which it should happen. In addition, both men and women, are entitled to a manly embrace/hug but my body language will let you know when it is ok. Women can hold my hand but only where it is necessary such as dragging me to the dance floor or to stop me getting lost in a busy bar/club/gig. Men may never hold my hand.
Rule: If you are my friend you will know what is right and wrong.

I hope than explains a few things for you.
Lorenzo

PS the Feisty Scot rang me a couple of nights ago and during the conversation threw away all privileges and now is at Level 1.